


Yet Another Pagan Sacrifice

by We_Are_Legends



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Pagan, Prankster Gabriel, Sabriel - Freeform, Sacrifice, Trickster Gabriel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:48:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/We_Are_Legends/pseuds/We_Are_Legends
Summary: Sam has been kidnapped (again) for a pagan sacrifice, but this time he may or may not have willingly let himself get kidnapped to piss off a certain archangel.Aka the time when Sam helped his kidnappers kidnap him, Gabriel is pissed off, some college students are traumatised and a couple of dinosaurs are very happy.





	Yet Another Pagan Sacrifice

It was a cool summer night and among the trees in the forest, a perfectly clear sky could be admired, sparkling with millions of stars. The wildlife was going around with their nightly business, or at least should have been going around with their nightly business, had it not been for the bickering in the clearing that was getting increasingly louder.

“OH FOR DAD’S SAKE, YOU’RE UNBELIEVABLE!”, the god shouted waving his hands wildly. “YOU LET YOURSELF GET CAPTURED BY THESE MORONS ON PURPOSE AND NOW YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE NERVE TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU?”

The human sacrifice glared up at him and retorted, “Let me get this straight…”, but he was interrupted by a snicker from the crazy god. “That’s as straight as you’ll ever get”, he muttered sarcastically and the human glared at him.

For a being as old as time, it was unbelievable how the god could have actually survived from getting bludgeoned to death simply out of exasperation.

“Maybe you haven’t notice but these morons can barely hold a gun, let alone recite in Latin. I had to tell them the correct incantation! And now if you are done shouting”, he added petulantly, “Can you untie me from this damn rock? I can’t feel my legs.”

The god opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a small cough behind him. Rounding up on the group of petrified college students, he snapped, “Can’t you morons see that we are in the middle of something here?”

Getting called “a moron” several times by a guy who was nearly half his size was definitely a first for Josh and under any other circumstances, he would have already kicked his ass badly. But right now, the football player was on the verge of tears and didn’t want anything else to do with the god that they had just invoked. A crazy midget, dressed in jeans and sucking on a candy was a far cry from the grand, mysterious being in flowing golden robes that had been described in the dusty manuscript.

Josh slowly backed away and looking at his friends for support, he stammered, “On second thoughts, we don’t want anything from you. We’ll just be on our way…” but he stopped midsentence when the tall guy that they had kidnapped started vomiting his guts out. The god brushed a hand over the guy’s head, and Josh was alarmed to see his irritated expression transform into a murderous one.

“Drugs”, he said in a menacingly low voice. “You drugged him”.

The clear sky that had been prevailing before suddenly turned into a dark stormy one and thunder rumbled in the distance. That was the moment when Josh realised that his step father had been absolutely right in his belief that one day Josh would be getting himself killed because of his stupidity.

 

However, to get a better understanding of why a sophomore football player was currently wetting his pants in terror while an archangel of the lord was standing over a tied up hunter, it’s necessary to go back in time, or more specifically to that damned morning when it all began.

 

**~*~**

To say that Gabriel was in a bad mood would be an understatement. He had woken up with a huge hangover, courtesy of the Norse mead that he had stolen from Thor and a total blackout of what he had done during his ten hours of inebriation. However, judging from the stony silence that greeted him when he arrived at breakfast, it could not have been anything good. Castiel appeared to be more constipated than usual, while Sam’s resting bitch face had reached an impressive magnitude of unknown territory.

However, most alarming of all was Dean- or rather the lack of Dean at the breakfast table. As far as Dean Winchester was concerned, his only justification for missing pancakes would be if the apocalypse was upon them…or, as Gabriel would soon discover, if a drunk archangel had done something incredibly stupid to the guy’s car.

His confusion was soon answered when Dean banged open the bunker’s doors and strode in, a murderous expression on his face. Upon seeing Gabriel, he stopped short, his already red face turning purple and roared, “YOU SON OF A BITCH” and Gabriel suddenly got a flashback of Dean shouting the exact same thing while getting chased by a pair of raptors the night before. Gabriel could not help the chuckle that fell out of him and what followed next was among the most epic brawls that he had ever been into.

 

**~*~**

Gabriel kicked a stone and watched it plunged into the Grand Canyon like a bullet. True enough, it had perhaps not been his brightest idea to drunkenly transform the impala into a time-travelling machine and force his baby brother and the Winchesters to travel back to the Jurassic age but he did bring them back to the present in one piece now, didn’t he? So why were they making it such a big fuss about it?

 

**~*~**

On the other side of the country, Sam Winchester was traipsing into a muddy forest, looking for the clues that he had been able to extract from some college kids the night before. He was already in a bad mood due to their midnight escapade and now Gabriel had ran off again to god knows where, leaving them behind to scramble on their case. As Sam plunged through the mud and dirt, he suddenly realised that a dead silence was reigning over the forest, and in his experience that could only mean one thing. He straightened up and examined the trees surrounding him, and sure enough the group of college students, that he had interviewed the day before, surged around him wearing ridiculous long robes with hoods.

It was clearly their first time at kidnapping anyone and Sam almost felt sorry for the guy who was pointing the gun at him and trembling like a leaf.

“Sub…submit to the wrath of Loki, mere mortal”, the guy stammered, his hand shaking so much that the gun almost fell down.

Sam who was casually sliding a hand into his pocket to retrieve his pocketknife froze as an idea crossed his mind. Smirking, he let go of the knife and lifted both hands placatingly. “Fine you got me. Please don’t hurt me.” It took a few seconds for the boys to react, too stunned that they were actually successful in their kidnapping. As one of them hastily tied Sam’s hands with a piece of rope, the hunter could not help grinning. This was going to be so much fun.

 

**~*~**

When Gabriel felt the summons of his sacrifice, he swore and blew to pieces another piece of rock hanging off the Grand Canyon. He was definitely not brooding after the fight; he was an archangel of the lord and archangels did not brood ( _well, perhaps except for Lucifer who was a giant baby when it came to his wings and definitely Michael…actually when he thought about it, all his brothers and sisters did brood so why the fuck was that not in the bible?_ ). Gabriel muttered another swear word as he felt the summoning become more urgent.

He was not in the mood to deal with another stupid human who wanted his dick to become longer, and with a snap of fingers Gabriel disappeared from the canyon. Dad forbids if he was not going to make the imbecile pay for interrupting his not-brooding time.

He had barely reappeared in the clearing when his ears were assaulted by the most piercing shrieks he had ever heard ( _well definitely not the most deafening ones, if he counted the time when he had sent Thor’s precious hammer into an alternate reality and had to watch his stepbrother squirm_ ).

He immediately rounded towards the sound and his mouth fell open when he was greeted by the least likely sight he was expecting to see.

Crudely tied up on a large flat rock was Sam Winchester, his torso covered with bright blue symbols and said hunter was screaming like the banshee he had once dated ( _mistakes do happen, and they are completely acceptable if said mistakes occurred when you are drunk off your ass from Norse mead_ ).

“OH LOKI PLEASE DON’T HURT ME. I BEG OF YOU, I HAVE A FAMILY TO RETURN TO. OH MERCIFUL LORD, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME.”

Sam’s tirade was briefly interrupted by a sudden bout of snickers as he saw the dumbstruck look on his mate’s face. But soon enough, he resumed his high pitched ranting and Gabriel suddenly understood what was going on. Throwing a perfunctory glance at the stunned worshippers, he strode towards the hunter and Sam did not need his Stanford genius to understand that it may not have been the best of ideas to irritate his already annoyed mate.

 

 

**~*~**

“Drugs”, Gabriel said in a menacingly a low voice.” You drugged him”.

The clear sky that had been prevailing before suddenly turned into a dark stormy one and thunder rumbled in the distance. The worshippers whimpered as they felt the freezing wind blowing around them.

“Gabriel, don’t”, Sam rasped as he stopped vomiting his guts out. An angry archangel was a dangerous archangel, the type of archangel who, without intending to, would be causing earthquakes and tsunamis all over the world. Gabriel’s anger simmered down and he looked back at his mate tenderly. He again brushed a hand over his head, cleaning the hunter from the mess and releasing the ropes.

“Gabriel, I’m so sorry.”, Sam murmured, pulling the archangel closer to him. Gabriel pressed his forehead against the latter’s and replied, “I’m sorry too Sasquatch.” He slid his face down and kissed his mate, cupping his face with both hands. Sam felt a rustle around him and he sighed in contentment as the golden wings of his mate enveloped the both of them from the rest of the world.

It would have been a perfectly romantic moment had it not been for the horrified college students standing some feet away.

Groaning in resignation as he heard another whimper coming from them, Gabriel pulled away and surveyed the boys with the tired air of someone having done so many times before.

“Now according to whatever crappy mythological book you’ve read, I’m supposed to be either granting you your wishes and devouring the sacrifice that you have brought for me ( _at this he turned around and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Sam, who groaned_ ) or tearing you limbs from limbs and drinking your blood or whatever disgusting thing you’ve imagined." As if on cue, one of the burly students fainted and the rest of them instinctively bundled up together.

“And right now, the fact that you even dared to kidnap my mate and try to sacrifice him is making the second option sound more appealing”, Gabriel continued and he snorted as he saw one of them gripping onto a small silver cross pendant.

“Not gonna help pal.”, he said mockingly and suddenly an idea crossed his mind on how exactly to deal with these idiots.

“However, the fact that we are now in the modern ages, not to mention that I won’t be getting any sex from my human if I do rip you imbeciles apart has given me another idea. Enjoy yourselves”, he smirked, and with a snap the college students, disappeared into a puff of smoke.

“Where did you send them?”, Sam asked raising an eyebrow. Gabriel strolled back to the flat rock and lightly traced the symbols that had been hastily drawn on Sam’s chest. “Since they were all appeared interested in bygone rituals, I think that they will be very pleased to make the acquaintance of a certain pair of raptors in the Jurassic age.”

“Only for a couple of hours”, Gabriel added hastily as he saw the look on Sam’s face.

“And in the meantime, I think that there are better ways to entertain ourselves, don’t you think?”

Sam huffed out a laugh and pulled the grinning archangel onto him.

 

**~*~**

_Somewhere in the Jurassic age…_

Josh was screaming in terror as he clutched desperately at the branches of a tree, while a nine-foot dinosaur was busy ramming its enormous horns into said tree. The last group of two pawed snacks had barely escaped him the night before, but this time, the dinosaur felt that it was going to its lucky day.

 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Loved it? Hated it? Tell me in the comments below :)
> 
> And don't forget to come and chat on Tumblr: http://we-are-living-legends.tumblr.com/
> 
> This story was unbetaed so forgive me for any typos that went unnoticed. 
> 
> I haven't posted anything in a realllly long time but with Gabriel's return to the show, what could be a better way to celebrate :D


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